Lady Gaga had surgery on her hip last month, which means she’s spending the remainder of her recovery at the mercy of her unwalkable stems.
But since this is A Very Special Lady Gaga-Style Recovery she’s not letting a stupid “labra tear of the right hip” and “synovitis” get in the way of recuperating like the non-human being that she is.
She’s going to need some equipment that’s epic and worthy of 500 blog posts because that’s just how she…rolls.
That’s why she’s commissioned a custom 24-karat gold-plated wheelchair to help her regain her foreboding strength.
She probably would’ve wanted something made exclusively out of meteorites and soil from Mars, but Gaga’s limited to our earthly resources.
The kind of wheelchair they could potentially sell at Harry Winston, but is just short of being manufactured at a mine rife with blood diamonds. I mean, let’s be realistic here.
Mother Monster turned to her right claw man Ken Borochov who designed the bizarre metal talons and cuffs she routinely wears.
Ken had less than a week to come up with the mobile fixture and what he fashioned was a calf leather upholstered chair that fully reclines.
There’s even an attachable leather canopy, just in case you want to plop Rosemary’s Baby on it one morning.
The end result is an apparatus he’s calling “The Chariot”, a wheelchair fit for the 1%. Mission accomplished.
The reveal was made in a one-off photo today taken by hipster magnet Terry Richardson. Can you imagine if this wheelchair could talk by the end of her recovery? OR SING? The stories it could jazz hands its way through involving drugs, sex, rock ‘n’ roll, and the descent of the pop star?
There’s so much material to work with here I can totally see a glam rock musical called The Chariot coming to Broadway in 2015.
Or at least an animated Pixar movie version because that wheelchair with some googly eyes could be kinda cute. They can call it Wheel-E.
Myself, I see great success ahead for Lady Gaga: “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out”. ~ John Wooden